Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Maximize Your Educational Time: LeapFrog Announces New Dream & Learn Orb

We're in love with LeapFrog educational products for young children. As I prepare to announce the winner in our LeapFrog National Reading Month contest I just received word of a new study aid to be released later this year (alongside the Tag Jr. and Text & Learn).

Anyway, here's the skinny (direct from the press release):



“Study While You Slumber” Product Will Make Every Kid Valedictorian

EMERYVILLE, CA—April 1, 2009—Today LeapFrog Enterprises, Inc. (NYSE: LF) proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that learning can happen anytime, anyplace—with satisfaction guaranteed. After a decade of top-secret, government-funded testing at underground research facilities in several undisclosed locations, LeapFrog has released the revolutionary Dream & Learn Smart Orb. Dream & Learn is the first product to harness the unique ability of children’s brains to absorb raw intelligence delivered via high frequency sound waves. Now all kids (and the occasional cocker spaniel) can instantly comprehend difficult-to-learn concepts—while they sleep!

“Every child sleeps an average of nine hours a night, so why not turn this normally wasted time into a painless study session—and ace that chemistry final?” said Nancy MacIntyre, executive vice president, product, innovation and marketing. “Parents who despair that their child will ever grasp the quadratic formula, Zeno’s Paradox or the answer to ‘how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?’ will now rest easy. We’re happy to say that, thanks to our space-age engineering, having the brightest kid on the block is no longer just a dream.”

Turning centuries of educational theory on their head, the patented smartification technology embedded within Dream & Learn—Subjective Neurological Osmosis Retention & Entertainment (S.N.O.R.E.)—allows children to go to sleep as usual and simply wake up noticeably smarter (albeit, in approximately 10 per cent of test cases, somewhat groggy). The Dream & Learn’s ( compact size, sleek spherical shape and hermetically sealed shell allow it to be nestled safely and unobtrusively next to any standard-sized pillow. And the ”infinity dial” of subjects lets parents choose exactly which Amazing Knowledge Archive (how to calculate a molar solution; baking a perfect pie crust—every time!; exactly who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?) will grow their little one’s brain each night.

Fighting Over Homework—Never Again!

Dream & Learn eliminates the need for any parent ever again to nag their child to finish homework. Parents simply set the Dream & Learn dial to the topic of their choice, place the device near their child’s pillow and off the little one goes into productive slumber. The S.N.O.R.E.’s proprietary sonic algorithms infiltrate and effectively “hijack” the child’s unconscious and download the selected information directly to the appropriate lobes of the brain. A satisfied parent said, “My son used to fail every math quiz he took. But now, at only eight years old, he is heading to Antarctica to do stuff my wife and I can’t even pronounce, let alone understand. Thanks, LeapFrog!”

Already in development are next-gen products that will actually allow a child to sleep around the clock—and get smarter, faster, than possible while awake. And depending on their particular parenting philosophies, moms and dads can even choose not to tell their child he or she is “Dream & Learn”-ing, placing the orb after bedtime and removing it in the wee hours of the morning. The child will awaken smarter—but none the wiser.

Availability and Money-back Guarantee

Dream & Learn Smart Pod is now available from LeapFrog’s web site. If within ten days your child is not a seven-language-speaking viola virtuoso leading NASA’s mission to DNA profile the rings of Saturn, you are guaranteed a full refund of the purchase price plus applicable shipping and handling charges.

...and yes, LeapFrog did actually send out this release today.

Happy April Fool's Day!
Check out The Toby Show and Google Maps' street view icon for more 4/1 fun.


Christy said...

How Hilarious!

Jen @ Rolling Through Looneyville said...

*snort* I TOTALLY believed that before I started reading. And I was about to get all riled up

Funny :)

Anonymous said...

That is awsome! It's nice to know a company that big has a really good sense of humor!