Woo Her with Insight: Gift Ideas for Geek Moms

Coming Soon: Mother's Day (May 13)

Geek moms can be pretty low key about recognition. However- this does not apply to Mother's Day. Your first words to your household geek momma should be "Happy Mother's Day!" (and they could quite fabulously be accompanied by breakfast in bed).

Geek dads, if your kids aren't old enough to express thanks, then the entire job falls to you. If they're older, then you may just play a supporting role.

For those moms who are more drawn to the hardware store than the jewelry store, a Leatherman Micra may fit the bill. I use mine every day for kid-oriented things and get the geek credibility for being a faster draw with the multi-tool than most men. There's also massive mom credibility for always having scissors and tweezers. The Micra even has a small blank panel which could be inscribed with a succinct phrase by most engravers.

Capturing the Moment:
Your kids won't be young long (even though some days feel like forever). Commemorate their size, expressions, and personalities.

Jim made me a very cool life poster collage using photos from Ranger's early infancy. Here's a good example of a finished life poster and instructions from its creator, Mike Matas on how to make one. He uses iPhoto software, but many graphics programs could be substituted (Jim used Gimp). Your technical concerns are getting the same DPI quality and size for each photo. The poster can be printed at most office supply stores or print shops for a reasonable cost. Check out frame sizes before you start if it will be framed and leave adequate margins.

Again, I am going to recommend commissioning a portrait from an artistic friend, a local artist, or my friend, the very talented Maggie. You will need to work fast to get this done by Mother's Day, but some artists may still have enough time.

Take some special photos of your kids. These can be great gifts for grandparents, too. For beautiful kid photos, steal ideas from Dutch of sweet-juniper.com. Photojojo has great general photo advice on how to make cool things like flip books. Their blog Photojojo Uncut offers more great photo tips and techniques- like how to make this incredibly tasty pinhole SPAMera.

Use your kid to create art:

For tiny babes, do not underestimate the sentimental power of a footprint/handprint captured on something useful. (Tip: you will need a second person to get a good infant footprint- and infant hands may take a team of experts. Practice on scrap paper a few times before making your final print.)

Plate kits from Makit or ceramics from a local paint-it-yourself pottery place allow you to commemorate your child's size in a functional, artistic memento. We have a great plate with Ranger's baby footprints and lyrics to one of the songs we sing him every night. It makes me smile to serve food from it. Choose colors that are similar to mom's favorite dishes. You can do the same type of hand/foot printing with a Makit kit (melamine rather than pottery) by using water soluble ink to get foot or handprints. Older kids can do cool custom art for mom.

Goody blog offered a cool suggestion for older kids. Get some large pre-stretched canvases and acrylic paint at an art or hobby store and let your kids make individual portraits of the family. Acrylic paint is pretty determined and affixes itself to fabric and hard surfaces, so choose a good location for cleanup and dress your children accordingly. One of Jim's broadcloth shirts got acrylic paint on it circa 1993 during a really amazing art school egg drop project, and the paint seems like it may outlive the shirt despite regular washing and wearing.

A good option for toddlers through elementary school is making plastercast handprints. The materials are cheap and easily obtained. My mom still has a set of these hanging on her wall from when my brother and I were youngsters. The heart shape may be too much for some moms, but you could always make any geometric shape. If you use a bowl or box to shape the plastercast, line it with plastic wrap (so you can lift it out later) or use a container that you can break and/or peel off if necessary. We pressed shells into the plaster and you write in the wet plaster with a straight object. This process actually, is enough fun that you might want to consider doing it on Mother's Day with mom. Just don't stick her with the clean-up or the task of keeping the kids from messing with them as they dry.

There are commercially available kits for 3-dimensional lifecasts of baby hands & feet but these disembodied appendages always give me the creeps. (Tip: lifecasting takes some time because the plaster has to set fully before it can be removed- I don't recommend it for infants who are awake or will wake easily.) Bellycasting may be the right gift for some pregnant moms, but it's definitely not for every mom. Ask yourself "Where will this hang later?" and "Will my wife want anyone to see it?" If you're not sure, throw out some test questions and she doesn't enthusiastically respond- DO NOT PROCEED; FIND ANOTHER GIFT IDEA. You don't want her to begin crying and say "I hate my pregnant body, you freak!" That's no good. Absolutely DO NOT try it while she sleeps.

Services:
Wherever a geek mom works, she probably would appreciate services. Most of the moms I know LOVE spa treatments: massages, facials, manicures, and pedicures. Jim can attest that I am completely miserable at the mere thought of a professional massage or spa visit. I don't like being touched by strangers and make-up is not my thing. I do however enjoy a fine, overpriced haircut and style every once in a while.

Is there any service or activity your geek lady has jettisoned due to the logistical problems since childbirth? Whatever it is, it might be a fine gift option for a gift. Plus, a gift like this means you have been paying attention (which is a gift in itself).

Activities:
Lots of moms are not into material things, so an outing or ongoing experiences (like an organizational membership) can be great gifts. I love an annual zoo membership, and it only takes a small space in my wallet. For only slightly more than flowers, you can offer a year's worth of opportunities and experiences for the whole family.

You can also offer moms an escape from the kids for a while (this is great for infant and toddler moms who are getting exhausted). While Mother's Day isn't a great day to be away from the kids, offering her other times she can have some time alone or in the company of other grown ups can be a remarkably perceptive gift. Maybe she's been wanting to bowl, go back to book club, drive in the demolition derby, or just sneak off to a coffee shop where she can surf the Internet without interruption. Maybe she'd love to have a night out with friends or go to the movies.

If your household runs like ours (with lots of shared duties), this might not be a big deal, but it's still a nice gesture.

Jim suggests that arranging dinner reservations or an outing for a mom and her friends (sans kids) soon after Mother's Day could be a great and welcome surprise. This will require some legwork to set a time and location, but it would probably be greatly appreciated.

Tools for Quality Time:
Asha of Parent Hacks recommends activities that mom and kids can enjoy together like science kits or tactile toys for babies and toddlers. Good time with the kids is always appreciated.

Sometimes it's hard to entertain infants and toddlers every day. As I can't convince Ranger that it's entertaining to watch me on the laptop without touching the laptop himself, I'd been trying to find activities we both enjoy.

I really like ideas from the book Toddler Play by Wendy S. Masi (for Gymboree). She's also written Baby Play which looks good too.

Face Hercules' Challenge: Take on Odious Tasks:
If you're a dad to the diaper wearing set, and you really want to impress your wife- get yourself a Diaper Valet and put it to regular use.
[Side note] It's always a great gift to those you love and live with to tackle one of the odious projects everyone hates and works at avoiding. At our house this is organizing the office, fixing the garage door, and taking the recycling to the recycling center, but your house probably has its own notoriously avoided tasks. Do one, and make everyone's day!

A Tall, Cool Beverage and A Good Book:
For a mom desiring mom lit, I strongly recommend Christine Mellor's very funny Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide To Happy Parenting. It's (by far) my favorite parenting book.

A geek fiction favorite is Sharon McCrumb's Bimbos of the Death Sun (a fun mystery set at a sci-fi convention).

Geek Gear:
Well, she wouldn't really be a geek if she didn't have the crow-like predisposition for carrying shiny things home. For your geek mama, there may be a piece of electronica just calling her name. You know her better than we do, but don't go too quotidian and don't venture too far into 1.0 territory if she doesn't have time for debugging. If it's still reasonably beta and may have persistent failures, the gift could be more frustrating than fulfilling. We had this problem once with an early multi-gig hard drive mp3 player by Archos (it was the size of a fat paperback book and weighed a few pounds; it took me months to get one that worked right- they were full of fatal bugs).

What kinds of geek mom gifts are you dreaming of?

Kill Your Television: National TV Turnoff Week

Earlier today Parent Hacks reminded me of a significant geek family event, TV Turnoff Week. Jim and I both added comments about Turnoff Week's influence on our family long before we even had kids.

We discovered TV Turnoff Week through Canadian media activists Adbusters.org, but the event and its ideology aren't limited to the anti-commercial set. It's advocated by children's fitness organizations, both major American political parties, the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, outdoor appreciation groups, environmental groups, children's organizations, and numerous educator groups.

You don't have to try it, but you might just have some fun if you do.

Wikipedia article on TV Turnoff and links to other sources.

Admitted: What to Take When Your ER Visit May Become a Hospital Stay

Ranger came home from the hospital yesterday after a bout with rotavirus-related dehydration. He's back to his ornery self, so we're relieved.

Last post, we discussed preparing for and improving an ER visit, but you might want to throw a few extra items in the car if you think your child's ER sick visit may translate into a hospital stay.

• Socks for the kiddo. Hospitals are sometimes cold, especially for little people with short circuiting bodies. If there is any chance your child will be up and walking around, bring slipper socks or socks with grippy soles (hospital floors are slick). Our local hospital requires footing offering traction before they will let an inpatient walk around at all. Your own socks are far more comfortable than the semi-disposable ones the hospital offers.
  
• Snacks for you (or money for the vending machines). You won't want to leave your child alone in their room, and you may get hungry. Throw some portable, non-perishable food into your bag. This will keep you from the guilt of wanting to eat your child's food when it arrives. Don't feed your child any food you've brought in without first clearing it with medical staff, and realize this may mean you have eat it in secret to keep your toddler from melting down.
• Clothing, bedding, and toiletries for you. Chances are, you or another caregiver are going to sleep on a chair or sofa in your child's room. Pack something that is comfortable to sleep semi-publicly. Some hospitals have blankets and pillows for families, but don't depend on it. If you don't know these items will be supplied, pack a colorful blanket and pillow for yourself. Don't forget your toothbrush!
• For infants, a blanket, pillow, or toy that smells like home (and/or mom) can be very reassuring. (Thanks for sharing this tip, Amy!)
• Kid entertainment. Hospitals can be boring. Jeremiah and Jenni of Z Recommends like bringing some of Z's favorite books along. They also remembered that more and more hospitals are making VCRs and DVD players more available to patients, so it may be a good idea to grab some favorite kids' viewing. We didn't take anything along, so Ranger (who never watches tv) got to watch the basketball playoffs and the Wiggles' Wiggle Bay. It was pretty weird for him as it's the first time he's ever watched tv at any length.
• Reading material for you. Maybe you'll read it, and maybe you won't, but you may not be so lucky as to find last November's US magazine abandoned in a lounge- and the hospital novella-length privacy policy really lacks developed characters and plot.
  
• Bedtime ritual stuff. At home for bedtime, we read books, sing a couple of songs, and then tuck Ranger in with a plush dog. We found ourselves without any books and no plush dog on night one. The dogeared US magazine Jim had found in the family lounge told tales of celebrity that should be inflicted upon no child, so Jim sang extra songs. Ranger's grandparents sent a plush bear the next day, so doggie got a ride through the washer at home. It can be hard to get your child to sleep in the hospital. Make your job easier by maintaining as many familiar bedtime routines as you can manage.
  
• Kid toiletries and going home clothes & shoes. I speak from experience when I tell you it's sad not to have your own toiletries during a hospital stay. Not only do you feel bad, you also have to see people all the time. And, yes, hospitals can supply some of these items, but they are pale substitutes to the items you regularly use. Often you carry a pajama clad sick kiddo to the ER, remember to bring some clothes & footwear for when they're feeling well enough to leave.
• As the Z Recommends folks reminded me, many pediatrics wards offer refrigeration facilities for breastmilk. So, if your baby is breastfeeding, you may want to pack some pumping supplies. Make sure and ask a pediatrics nurse about the availability of breastmilk storage facilities, too.
  

Good general hospital guidelines:

• With pre-verbal infants and kids, the nursing staff is relying on you to tell them about your child's level of discomfort. Make sure and inform staff if you perceive a change in your child's condition or comfort level.
• Have a pen and paper handy and write down EVERY MEDICAL QUESTION THAT CROSSES YOUR MIND. That way, when a nurse or doctor appears, you won't forget to ask something important. Seriously, write them all down. You can skip the really stupid ones when you get to ask, but they may not look so stupid when you have a professional to answer them.
• Input & output: Make sure nursing staff knows what your child is taking in and expelling from their body. Confess if you ate your child's chicken strips.
• If you are hungry, don't be afraid to ask the staff for options. Depending on the hospital, you may just have vending machines and a cafeteria- or there may be a family lounge with free drinks (soda & coffee, not open bar)- or you may be able to buy food for yourself from the hospital to be delivered with your child's meals. It may not be gourmet, but it is delivered.
• Learn your nurses' names. We make sure to send a note back to the hospital about the quality of care we received (thus far, it's all been glowing). This is a way to support and encourage good service and high standards of patient care.
  
• Be on your best manners. That way if a problem arises, the staff will know that you are reasonable and respectful.
• If you are an online junkie (like most parent blog readers), ask if the hospital has wireless network access available or public computers.
• If your sick kiddo is sleeping, look for Closed Captioning options on the tv.
• Most pediatrics units keep kid-friendly snacks (Popsicles, Jell-O, graham crackers, etc.) at the nurse's station. They can usually find something your kiddo can eat even on dietary restriction. Don't hesitate to ask, it's actually better than giving them unapproved food.
• It's great to have the support of friends and family, but sometimes that support is better from afar. Don't be afraid to ask visitors to leave (or have the nurses ask for you) or to end phone calls quickly. Your kid needs to recuperate and you, dear parent, need not be exhausted when you and your child return home. It's also okay to head off visitors and callers in advance by not giving out the hospital room phone number and requesting that people not visit until further notice. We made sure to request that our friends with kids at home not visit as Ranger's virus was quite contagious and we didn't want to feel responsible for anyone else getting it. You are your child's gatekeeper. Help them rest.

Now, what did we forget or not know in the first place? Please tell us!

Getting Professional Help: Improving Sick Kid Visits to the Emergency Room

Well, after Regurgapalooza 2007 went on two days longer than we last reported, we found ourselves facing an Emergency Room sick visit for the third time in Ranger's short life. Ranger's pediatrician and her entire practice (4 physicians total) were fully booked on Thursday as a modern plague of bodily-fluid erupting youngsters has overtaken our community in recent weeks. The pediatrics nurse recommended we take Ranger to the ER as his symptoms were acute and indicated dehydration. Our experiences with the ER visit and his subsequent hospitalization have prompted another tips list.

#1- Know which facility you prefer before you ever encounter an emergency. If your community, physician, and insurance allow you selection from different facilities, research while healthy and know where you're headed when an emergency occurs.

Not all emergency medical facilities are created equal. It's good to find out what wait times to expect, quality of care, and reputation for working with infants/children. Friends working in the medical profession have told me of two seemingly identical hospitals in the same community where one has a much higher in hospital infection rate. This kind of information is good to know in advance.

It's also good to know if a hospital specializes in pediatrics. In our community, only two of the three hospitals accept pediatrics inpatients. The hospital without pediatrics will see children in the ER, but can't admit them, so for illnesses which might require hospitalization it's counterproductive to go there. One of the two hospitals with pediatrics is allied with a respected regional children's hospital and can offer a higher level of specialization.

We used to live in a town where the ER wait for any condition was at least 4 hours (they didn't seem to apply triage principles but instead plodded through a first-come, first-served practice). Some friends went to ER with a newborn running 105 degrees, and after over an hour of waiting and staff indifference they called their old family physician in a nearby community. He met them at the ER in their old community in 45 minutes and saw the burning up baby immediately. It was definitely worth a 45 minute drive for the prompt and caring attention they received at the smaller hospital. Even if they had to wait the regular 40 minute ER wait time, they would still see a doctor MUCH sooner in the far-flung hospital where people really cared about their child's well-being. We made a mental note to visit their small town hospital should we ever need emergency care.

Ask people with kids or grandkids about their families' recommendations and experiences. There's a lot of emotion in hospital stories, so try and keep an eye on the facts.

#2- Contact your pediatrician's/physician's office before you leave your house- even though you'll probably just get an answering service. Sometimes they have a better alternative (our pediatrician recommends a partner after-hours pediatrics clinic for less critical concerns). Sometimes they can grease the wheels at the ER and get you in faster (it's not how things work here, but I know it's worked in for friends in other communities).

#3- Gather necessary items before you leave:

• Payment (Insurance Info/Card, Funds for Copay/Deductible)
• Vitals (Your wallet, cell phone, phone numbers of anyone you might need to call)
• Records (Regular Physician Contact Info, List of Medications/Treatments, Any Records of Symptoms/Temperatures)
• Icky (Vomit catcher (see the 1st anonymous comment on our barf management strategies for a great, quick DIY solution and make one now while no one is barfing), Ziplock and bring the most recent dirty diaper if a stool sample may be needed (helpful for infants/toddlers with abdominal symptoms or vomiting))
• Comfort: Kids' entertainment, Jeremiah of www.zrecs.com and www.toyinstructions.net recommends bringing favorite books and a pillow with a distinctive or colorful case (lest the hospital think you're taking their pillow home). A blanket or washable toy can also handy.
• Sustenance: Food/drink for kids and grown-ups (or at least funds for the vending machine).
• Upkeep: Diapers and wipes (the local ER usually doesn't have these on hand), a change of clothes, SOCKS, shoes, jacket or sweater, backup outfit in cases of fluid eruption.
• Containment: Do you need a stroller to keep your child from making the occasion into a meet and greet? Will your child need a place to lay down?
• Is there a chance of hospital admission? If so, you may want to shove a few more things in your car (we'll post this list separately soon).
  

#4- Don't be grouchy.
While we're all for medical self-advocacy for our families and ourselves, we've observed many families entering the ER with chips on their shoulders. It does you no good with staff to be combative, angry, or negative. Politeness and respect can be a great assets.

You're obviously having a bad time and feel the situation needs professional assistance (otherwise you wouldn't be in the ER).

An ER is a demanding and unpredictable work environment. The people there are working hard in a somewhat chaotic environment. If you can keep your cool as a patient's parent and do your best to help the process, your positive attitude will set you apart from other patients. This always seems to get us preferential treatment in the local ER. It's okay to ask questions and make requests, but if you can do it in a way that recognizes the demanding job of the medical professionals, they are more likely to hear your concerns and respond with consideration.

#5- Have Your Information Ready
Anyone who has spent time behind a desk or cash register knows that people are rarely prepared- even for incredibly routine, predictable processes. This is compounded when people are under duress, they tend to forget more things- slowing processes to a crawl.

If you are visiting an American hospital, have your identification, your insurance information, your supplemental payment (deductible, copay, etc.), your emergency contact information, and your regular physician information on the ready when you get to the registration desk. I guarantee it will speed the registration process.

Not only can you prepare for the registration desk, you can also predict most of the questions in the nurse's initial interview. If you can, write a list while you wait.

• Does the ill party take any medications? Make sure to include asthma inhalers and any other prescribed items regardless of their delivery format (pill versus inhalation). Most people require further questions to disclose these non-pill, non-liquid items. Also include any regularly consumed supplements (vitamins, herbal remedies, etc.) and any recently consumed over-the-counter products (pain relievers, cough syrups, etc.). You'll probably surprise the interviewer with your broad definition of medication. If anyone in your family regularly takes medication, it's a great idea to have a written list in your wallet to supply in case of medical emergency that includes drug name, reason prescribed, and exact dosage.
• What's in the patient's past? Does the ill person have allergies, prior hospitalizations, chronic illness, known conditions, surgeries, or family history which may be relevant to their current condition and/or treatment methods?
• Organize and describe the events that have lead you to the ER. Chronological, succinct presentation is usually the best method of delivering this information. What symptoms brought you to the ER? When did they appear? Have they changed over time? How? When? To what degree?
• Input: How has the patient been eating and drinking? Does it vary from their normal routine? If so, how? For how long has there been variation in consumption? Were any new foods, beverages, or conditions recently introduced?
  
• Output: Number of dirty and wet diapers for infants and toddlers. Number and type of recent eliminations for older kids. How does this vary from regular habits? Is there a change in odor, color, or consistency?
  
• Environmental factors: Has your child done anything unusual or experienced anything significantly different recently that might be relevant. A friend of mine while in vet school experienced allergy symptoms which might have been quite mysterious had she not had her first up-close contact (a horse proctological exam) with a large animal earlier that week. Her physician soon diagnosed her allergy to large animals (thank heavens her specialty is birds). While a toddler, our infant godson kept experiencing mysterious rashes- often after seeing a specific relative. It turned out that he has an incredibly severe allergy to tree nuts, and the relative wore a lotion with almond oil that was causing a rash reaction.
  

#6- Don't freak out, especially when they bring out the needles.
Being worried about your child is fine, but being utterly distraught will cause your child greater anguish and will probably cause you more delays.

If you're taking a sick non-verbal kiddo in, expect bloodwork at the very least (though you may also have x-rays and/or other labwork). And the phlebotomists have to draw that blood with a needle. And the veins are very small, so it may take a couple tries. Deal with that now. It's no fun (they stuck dehydrated Ranger 7 times yesterday to find a viable vein), but it has to happen. This is how doctors diagnose illness; this is how they know what to treat; this is how your kids get better.

So, when the nurse or phlebotomist comes into the room realize they are thinking "Oh *&%#, not a baby/toddler/little kid and parent!" Greet them as you would a friend doing you a huge favor. Offer to help (if you feel able). Let them know you aren't combative (many parents are), and they will relax (last night not withstanding, we usually have great luck with blood draws). When Ranger was a newborn we overheard a couple alternately threaten and beg a phlebotomist not to draw their very sick baby's blood. He had to insist that this was the very thing they had come to the ER for to get them to eventually agree. By the time he got their begrudging permission to draw the blood, their baby was completely freaked out from her parents' outbursts. If you don't want your child fully examined, stay home. Don't terrorize your child with your own fear, pain, and guilt.

A child hears panic and anger in a parent's voice and doesn't know its source or direction (I recently yelled at some teenager thugs harassing. cornering, and physically threatening strolling birds at the zoo and made Ranger burst into tears). Focus on deep breathing, staying calm, and reassuring your child throughout the process. We sing Ranger some of his favorite songs and keep telling him that is just part of making him feel better. He's not verbal enough to understand, but after saying it a few times, I know I don't feel as guilty about subjecting him to that pain. The kids will cry out when stuck, but they recover far more quickly when the parents take a more casual and reassuring stance.

#7- Ask Questions
There's nothing wrong with asking questions. Typically helpful questions are nature of the diagnosed illness, expected duration of illness, your responsibilities for treatment, the warning signs of complication or illness progression, risks of treatment, and future prevention of condition (if possible).

#8- Anticipate and Accommodate Your Child's Specific Needs
This may seem obvious, but Jenni and Jeremiah of Z Recommends give a prime example of how a parents' knowledge of their child can greatly improve the quality of care through attention to detail: If a child sucks their thumb, it's nice for parents to [request] the IV stick in the non-thumb sucking hand. Nurses don't usually think about that.
Ranger is much calmer when he sees a procedure done on someone else first, so we tend to ask the doctors to cursorily shine the lights in our eyes, ears, and mouths first if he seems tense. However, he must brave the rectal thermometer alone.

Jim just called. Ranger woke up feeling much more himself this morning and is now completely bored with being quiet and sitting still. Please forgive my poor editing and proofreading, as I'm posting this in haste.

I will soon post here a to link to general checklist/worksheet of things parents may need for an ER visit which also includes a worksheet of standard ER questions.

Please feel to add your own best practices in the comments.

Next: What to Pack for the Hospital When Your Child May Be Admitted