When we met I thought we might be friends, but time has taught me that you cannot be trusted to respect my confidences. And more than that, I'm tired of our ever changing relationship. This perpetual Easter egg hunt for snippets of actual content gets caught up in the general gossip of other people's lives (what groups they're joining and who is invited to what party). Time spent with you just feels too much like high school.
Sure, I'm thankful that you've reunited me with a few dear friends, but I just cannot take your incessant chatter. I especially hate that you may be selling me out while you're wasting my time.
So, Facebook, this means delete not deactivate. If you find anything that belongs to me, just throw it out. I hope you will forget we ever met.